We had a great time at the cottage although Sasha's memory followed me there. I can't seem to shake my sadness away. It has been nearly 2 weeks since Sasha has been gone and I keep questioning our decisions. I now understand how people can cling on to life. I have never been a clinger and I didn't want to become one when Sasha became ill. We agreed that we would try to not exhaust Sasha physically given the odds were against improving her quality of life. I keep tracking back to the week before her surgery and the sick feeling I had. I had a really bad feeling about her going in December and I should have stuck with my gut.
Jonny went back to work today and it was just Mia, Sam and me. We had a quiet day and I took Mia for the usual ravine walk where I used to take Sasha everyday. I thought about her the whole time and could not stop staring at how pink Mia's lips are. She is a beautiful gift, I just wish she had met her sister.
I decided to do a clean up of all Sasha's clothes and I can't seem to put the last of her clothes into a bin. I think I will keep them in the drawer until I forget that they are there and one day I will open them and think of her in all her big girl clothes.
Tomorrow is Malou's first day with us and we agreed that we will help her find another job part time and we will keep her on with us part time. We'll see how it goes and I may be able to have a couple hours to myself during the day...what on earth will I do.
Hope everyone is doing well and we look forward to finding our new normal...SOON!
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