3 weeks have passed...

it has been 3 weeks since Sasha died even though in many ways it seems like years ago. Our house is so quiet that sometimes i imagine her sounds. sasha was rarely quiet or silent. she was always making some sort of noise, whether it was her grunting as she walked along the walls, or singing and talking with me. i remember when she was in ccu and she was intubated, my biggest fear is that i would never hear her sweet voice anymore. i remember that when i did hear her voice i was so thankful and i was so hopeful that she was going to bounce back. my hopes were crushed as sasha never seemed to reach the point of where she was before her surgery but i could hear her voice. her sweet little voice warmed my heart and made me so happy. i always wondered how such a little person could be so expressive and could have to say. i would spend my days talking and talking to sasha that by the end of the day i was all talked out. now the house is so quiet with only the occasional squeal of mia, which sometimes sounds like sasha.
i spent the morning with friends. matt was the last of my visitors and he brought a beautiful pink orchid plant. i was just thinking yesterday about buying one in memory of sasha. i loved matt's enthusiasm to meet mia as we sat in her room staring at her sleeping in her crib i could sense that he was thinking about sasha. matty never spent a ton of time with her but whenever he was home for a visit, he made sure to spend some time with her and that always made me so happy. while we were in the computer room, matt had said that it was such a good idea to get the photographer over to take the photos of us when we brought sasha home. i told him that heather volunteers her time and then i asked him if wanted to see the the slideshow compilation she made for us. i was surprised i offered as i haven't looked at it in over a month. matt and i sat in the computer room with tears streaming our faces. the reality of me missing her becomes so raw at times. i love having great friends like matt in my life whom share all my happiness as well as some of my sadness with.