I was reading the short anonymous hullo this morning and thought about the going to bed ritual which has become a Sasha saturated moment. Been forcing myself to read fiction again because its so good for the soul and excited to head to bed to get through a chapter or so of Confusion by Neil Stephenson. The book sits beside a picture of Sasha and mom. So each night I look at Heather's picture, Sasha smiling, held by mom, face a bit puffy; sometimes I give it a kiss and then I read. Sasha is always there by the bed.
What if there are no pictures or other reminders of those passed? Or say just one lovely presentation in one room? Do we think of them less? Would we think of her when we 'needed' to think of her as opposed to every time we see her on the wall? I just wonder sometimes how our emotions are guided by our enviroment this way; we are all different in how we decorate or record or memorialize and I think we use pictures like props in that struggle to remember or, in some cases, to forget some parts. I expect putting up lots of pictures or thinking of how many pictures there are and where they are is just part of that struggling with memory and in our case the wish to keep her with us as much as possible. As the memory details blur at the edges....
Last night mom comes to bed and says: "I can hear her". Na, na, na, na ... da. That little sweet voice. Sasha's voice comes to Mom in a particularly strong way. I reach out to Sasha and see her in my mind's eye and rehear her but I reconnect with her more through the blog and projects with the hospital and pictures. External things. Mom is with Mia all day and she seems to have more of a personal, internal connection. That's what I always loved about Mom: she is so darn personal.
We miss you so much Sasha.
I got up early this morning and was so happy to see a little hullo that I uploaded a few videos to Google Video. It takes a bit of time because I like to record the info and write up each video. Eventually there will be a bigger collection, sometimes I got started on one day so there is a lot of that day. You can see more Sasha videos by doing a search on Google Video for Sasha Bella Stein-Blumberg . Anyone know how to organize them? I will play with the dates to get them chronological.
Enjoy this absolutely magical moment with a pink sequin scarf.
What a rosy, little, plump doll she is to look at. Have not been here for a while, thank you so much for sharing these videos.
ReplyDeleteI know you must both ache for her and but these videos are a lovely rememberance, they give love and sweetness to everyone who sees them.
Sasha is still dispensing joy; we are so glad to peek in on a wonderful, blessed life.
Thank you.