9 months and it doesnt get easier

Sasha, you are all around us, every day we think and speak of you. The other day we were talking about your sister's three little front teeth and we remembered how you grew your second group of teeth while sedated during the 5 weeks of CCU and that you didnt know what to do with your new teeth when you woke up. Mom is planning a walk through Cedarvale for June 3 and that will be a very special day for us. We so miss your delicious voice and energy. Life is much quieter. When I get sad I think really hard about you and listen really hard for the words I am OK Daddy. Kinda silly, except we so wish you were here playing with us still. As your sister grows we keep thinking about how you rolled and crawled and ate and we know that soon we will not be able to do this comparison because your sister will be older. You are frozen in our memories and that makes us sad but we are so happy to have known you peach.


  1. Anonymous1:18 AM

    no, it does not get easier. most people feel worse six or more months later than at the intial time of death. it's human nature. we realize that our loved person is not coming back.

    we dream of them and sometimes wake up confused, are they really gone?

    it takes time and more time. it just does. and with a precious little child it takes a long time. but, you live in the moment and every week that passes a sense of peace may come closer.

    hold on to the fact that life is a transient gift to all of us and your little sasha is in joy and free of suffering....of that i am very sure.

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  3. Anonymous11:29 PM

    dear anonymous,

    grief is very subjective. i believe there is no manual, no formula, no right way. is your post based on personal experience or are you speculating? i find it creepy and presumptuous that you are so sure of the peacefulness of sasha's spirit. have you ever experienced losing a child? i am a hard audience to please, and i do not take anonymous postings well especially if you had no direct relationship with my daughter or my family.
    i am sorry for being so abrupt but my grief is very personal and if you have experienced the loss of a child, I am sorry and thank you for your posting.

  4. Anonymous12:36 AM

    I am so sorry if i hurt you or made you feel creepy, it was not my intent.

    I lost a sister, a mother, a child and a father, before i was 38, and grief is a companion i am familiar with. that's all i meant to say, to be sympathetic with the feelings.

    i did not have a personal connection to your daughter but i have a naive and personal belief that all children are sheltered and loved in death by a supreme spirit.

    i am so very sorry to have hurt or offended you in any way. please accept my apology.

  5. Anonymous12:46 AM

    dear anonymous,

    can you please email me at sashabella@thewire.ca, i would love to speak with you more, not on the via the internet.

  6. Anonymous2:57 AM

    liar, liar, liar, pants on fire!