So sad today
As I wipe the mist off our mirrors after we walked around the block to finish shiva, the sadness in my heart is so heavy. It was a very quiet day with Jonny, Mia, Sammy and I and the absence of Sasha is so real. I never thought that I would be this sad because we were preparing for this for so long. Jonny and I took Mia on her first ravine walk, the same route I used to take with Sasha every day. I loved my daily walks with Sasha and I hope her sister enjoys them as much.
Last night an old friend Ryan came over with his little girl Ella. She asked me if Mia had an older sister and I said yes. She then asked "where is she?". I told her that she is sleeping. I have been thinking about my conversation with Ella all day. How can I easily explain to a little girl the passing of another little girl? How can I keep the memory of Sasha alive?
I remember when my father passed away I was always afraid that I would forget him. I admit, I don't remember him well but I was thinking what if I forget Sasha. Some people believe that with time it gets easier; is it because we forget? At this time I think its impossible for me to forget her. Last night I did some laundry and there was some old laundry from last week and there were a few pieces of Sasha's clothes and I started to smell them. I used to spend so much time smelling her. She was so sweet. Unfortunately the clothes only smelled of dirty laundry and I don't have anything that smells like Sasha in the house.
Anyway, I hope with time my sadness will become less. My heart feels so heavy as I am finally trying to grasp that Sasha is gone. I trully never thought that she would ever leave us. I miss my peach and I am going to try to keep her memory alive by sharing Sasha stories to Mia.