A lady in Waiting

Lately, I feel that my day after day I am waiting. Waiting for Sasha to get healthier! Waiting for Sasha to bleed! Waiting for Sasha to stop bleeding! Waiting for Sasha to move on! and waiting for the birth of our second child. All this waiting makes me anxious. Jonathan and I are exhausted and Sasha is not that interested in anything. She is tired and has little energy to play. On the rare occasion that she giggles and makes a true connection, I pretend that nothing is wrong with her. At this point my biggest fear is that I will go into labour just as Sasha gets worse. How will I feel? Could we be in stranger situation; welcoming a life while preparing to say goodbye to another. At times I am so unphased about how sick Sasha is because we have been living with this for so long. Like I said last week, I miss my little girl who was so full of life. I am so sad that Sasha is so sick and she continues to hang on waiting to welcome her sibling.
Jonathan has been so great. I am so afraid of how he will be once we have to say goodbye to Sasha. He loves her so much and he can't seem to get enough of her.
I guess I will continue with my day wating for something to happen.