Just a week has passed since Sasha has left us and until now it hasn't seemed real. As Mia and I discover one another, I think about how Sasha and I went through the same process. I spent so much time with Sasha that as her personality developed I fell more and more in love with her. I spent some of the day looking at old videos of Sasha and my heart ached with sadness. I miss my peach so much. We received a letter from Marianne today and she wrote that part of her had hoped that the 4 of us could have been together as a family. I yearned for Sasha to meet her sister thinking that her sibling would give her the energy to live.
Jonathan keeps calling Mia; Sasha. I mention to him that he has made a mistake. I wonder if he will call Mia by her sisters' name often.
Something upset me today. A visitor to shiva said probably the most insensitive thing to me. They said you have a replacement for Sasha. I was astounded that 2 educated people could make such a statement. I corrected them immediately and told them that there is no replacement for Sasha. It reminded me of when Sasha was very sick in CCU and some docs and nurses would say, well you are having another baby as if to take away of how ill Sasha is.
Sasha, you fill my heart with so much love and please don't listen to those who tell mommy and daddy that Mia is your replacement. Because of you peach, we want more children as you connected us into a family.
We are looking forward to the shiva being over so we can settle as a new family and grieve for Sasha while starting with Mia.
Ma Lou is supposed to start next week and we hired her with the intention that she would spend time with Sasha. I am not sure that I need so much help with 1 child but she is fantastic and I would love for her to be with us for when I go back to work. We will see how it goes next week but I think we may only need her part time.
I have attached one of my most favourite pics of Sasha to this post.
Anyway, time to get ready for prayers.
Sasha, kisses to you my baby doll. I love you.